


Just a Daydream Away

by OneLetteredWonder



Series: Infatuation [10]
Category: 2P Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 1p2p - Freeform, Emotional Constipation, M/M, infatuation series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9690851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneLetteredWonder/pseuds/OneLetteredWonder
Summary: It’s infuriating when your counterpart is so damn perfect that it becomes difficult to comprehend why they would ever want to be with you. Ludwig cares and Lutz isn’t too sure  he deserves it, but there is no one else who could care for him the way Ludwig does.





	1. Lutz

Lutz had a lot of issues. He didn't even know where half of them came from. They popped up and didn't leave. In the end they warped his personality to be the kind of person he is now. The people around him could see it. Luciano and Kuro for some reason stuck around, and Klaus dealt with him more than wanted to be near him on most days. He would mind more if he didn't agree with them. He didn't want to be around himself either.

Though not usually one to be self deprecating, the negativity slithered in more and more often than he would really like. A bad habit of sorts that didn't really rear its ugly head until a few years ago. It seems like so long ago, so long since he didn't hate himself for any dumb reason like the emotions that seemed hell bent on ruining him.

With a kind of carelessness that looks easy but is entirely forced on his behalf, Lutz leans back in his chair and spreads his legs wide in a comfrotable position under the table. He is too conscious of not bumping the person next to him, pointedly ignoring with all of his mental strength the annoyed and yet concerned look they give him.

Just a few years ago he would do so with reckless abandon, probably starting some sort of fight with his desk partner but it's all different now. He's not sure how to feel about all his scrappy friends now on their best behavior but he can't blame them. He's been walking on eggshells and for no discernable reason in his mind and yet he still plays along to the lingering conscious voice that tells him to step up his act.

The meeting drags in so many ways. He's surprised he hasn't fallen asleep yet, but then again, he has been sitting in a straight position for most of it. A record if he's been keeping track but he hasn't. Now that he's slouching in his favorite meeting position, the likelihood of sleeping is more a possibility. He won't though, there's no way he could.

Still he yawns and rolls his shoulders for any kind of simple stretch he can get after sitting in the same spot for almost 3 hours. He rubs a hand at his face and takes a risk to look beside him. His heart thumps loudly once and his eyes snap right back to the papers scattered hazardously on his side of the desk. Perfect and prim Ludwig's are in neat piles on the other side.

A few years ago Lutz wouldn't have given a shit about how he looked or how he acted or what most of the others thought about him. His entire outlook crumpled up and got thrown in his face when Ludwig stood before him. Every strand of hair in its proper place and a suit pressed in all the right places. He stood as a staunch reminder of everything Lutz is not.

It made him tear his hair out. Maybe he tried once or twice to be good and helpful to his fellow allies but in the end he couldn't do it. That's not who he is and yet Ludwig managed to be such so easily. Committed and on time and a leader and helpful, resourceful. Lutz takes a deep breath to not let his face get screwed into such a nasty expression.

Though he wishes he didn't, he snaps his eyes down to the soft hand on his shoulder when it's placed there, his eyes then going up to Ludwig who has a crease in his brow. There's a silent questioning of if he's okay and Lutz does what he does best. He shrugs off Ludwig's hand like an asshole and waves him off with a small scowl to get that perfect kind of attention off him.

He forces himself to keep his eyes down until he can't feel Ludwig staring at him anymore. The muscles in his jaw tighten at his own pathetic actions. Maybe if anyone else did so he could deal but he feels terrible when Ludwig cares for him. He's not the worst sure, but he surely isn't the best person to be spending time one. Ludwig has so much other stuff to do and Lutz does not want to be another lame being for Ludwig to be looking after.

Yet it's all he wants to be. He likes it when Ludwig pays attention to him and flirtatious comments want to spill from his mouth. The fear of being rejected burns bright. He's not worth Ludwigs time and he knows it hard.

He gives in and closes his eyes, listening but not watching the rest of the meeting. His mood has soured as much as he didn't want it to. Just another thing to add to the ever growing list of things Ludwig can do better than him. He can feel the tension in his eyebrows grow as he thinks. The worst part not even being that Ludwig is better, it's the confusion that comes with it.

He never felt this way about others that were better than him, he just worked hard to get to that point of being better himself unless he didn't really care. Ludwig surpassed him and he can't seem to find a flaw. In the end, he doesn't want to either. That's the frustrating part that keeps him scowling late into the night. Maybe he'd feel better knowing Ludwig isn't exactly perfect, but he doesn't want that. Ludwig doesn't deserve that.

He can never be sure if he's envious of his counterpart or jealous. He sure hates not knowing if it's a crush or any other stupid romantic emotion. He doesn't get the feelings and that's annoying.

He thought he had romantic interactions before. That debacle with Luciano which ended in more scars than it was worth sure felt like romance in a sick sense. Maybe it hadn't been explicitly romantic, but it felt close. Then the flings with the others, those he knows are more lust filled. These nagging feelings for Ludwig are more than those, a confusing mix of the two and then some. An emotional bag he does not want to carry more than he has too.

The meeting ends and instead of cleaning up decently Lutz scoops all the papers into his case with a swoop of his arm, crumpling some and folding others. It's a problem for future him. The now him is slinging the case over his shoulder and walking out of the hall with the rest of the throng of people.

It happens every meeting that those confusing thoughts are coming at him, now more than before. He blames Ludwig for exisitng in the first place. If they never knew each other he could go on with his life but he can't anymore. Still unsure on if he's okay with that.

In the hotel room he shares with his brother he throws off his shirt in exchange for a grubby tank top and some black sweat pants. While the other nations are hiding in their rooms and changing themselves, he passes the empty hallway to the small gym the hotel has to offer. Decent more so since the place they are staying is more high class than others the nation of America has to offer.

Instead of working out right away like he originally intended to help distract his thoughts he ends up sitting at the barbell with his hands on the bar ready to go but not moving. His distraction plan backfired and now he's too distracted by thoughts of Ludwig to actually continue with his plan.

He's never been overly cross with Lutz, maybe peeved but not mean. It makes Lutz scrunch up his nose. His own actions towards his counterpart are lowly compared to the reverse. Another reason why negative thoughts pester his brain. His initial reaction is to be nice, then his own negativity drowns him out, and he's left with angry remarks that are nothing more than his own confused babbles. With a groan his slides out from under the bell and drops his head to his hands, the blonde curls on his head tickling his fingers.

"Sup fucker?" Lutz drags his hands down to semi-glare at Zao plopping down in front of him on the floor without a care in the world. His eyes are red streaked and the jacket over his shoulders tells he just came in from outside. Lutz isn't dumb enough to believe Zao to be sober.

"You look tired," Zao goes on unprompted. Lutz rolls his eyes, the small distraction from his own head giving him the ability to slide back under the bar and start a slow and steady pace of pushing the weights up and bringing it back down.

"What's on your brain?~" Zao sings like a child and skips around the machine to be closer to Lutz's head. Lutz glares at him and Zao makes a face back. Eventually he sighs and answers just a little unkindly.

"Ludwig," He says honestly, seeing no point in lying to the pot head. Zao hums dramatically and rests his head on a hand to still be staring at Lutz with a fake innocence.

"You got a crush on your other half like the rest of us?" Zao asks him and Lutz slams the bar down back into its holder with just about as much force as he meant to. He sits up when he can to glare at Zao for his bold and correct question.

"What?" Is all he says back. Zao 'pffts' and waves his hand, falling back to stare at the ceiling. He doesn't answer just keeps waving his hand, lost in the way it's moving. He thought he was the only way to feel like that, but Oliver's freak out a year ago and Zao's words reconfirm he's not alone. He's not sure if that helps his feelings at all. So he grits his teeth and swivels to be able to kick Zao not as harshly as he could. Zao swats at him.

"You do, hah," He laughs and Lutz kicks him harder.

"It's not my fault," He grumbles, running a hand through his messy hair. It's no one's fault though he could make an arguments that it's Ludwig's for being too perfect. Zao sits up to rest on his elbows, waiting and quiet for Lutz to continue on. And he does.

"He's just so perfect I don't get it!" He begins to rant, spilling all the thoughts he's kept in his head. Zao listens without a word.

"It's so damn humiliating being next to him, compared to him, doesn't it make you feel like shit?" He suddenly turns to Zao who blinks at him with a glossy look in his eyes. New frustration takes place as he realizes he's being honest to someone who can't fully comprehend him since they aren't sober. He stands to go back to his room, forgoing the workout entirely.

"Nah I've never felt better," Zao tells him and Lutz has half a mind to really kick him.

"I mean sure I'll never measure up but dude, Yao like _me_ ," Zao snickers into his hands and somehow clambers to his feet without help. He slings and arm over Lutz. Begrudgingly Lutz helps him back through the halls to his room.

"I mean, he could be with anyone, but he likes me, that old man sees something worthwhile in me ahh," Zao bubbles back into a laughter with the grossest smitten smile on his face that Lutz has ever seen. Yao accepts Zao easily when Lutz knocks on their shared door, smacking Zao on the back of the head while he's at it.

Sadly, the druggie's words stick in his head and Lutz mulls them over with more care than he feels like he should. Still, Ludwig does care for him, sees something worth caring for. He's got a stupid plan by the time he gets back to his room. Klaus is already on the couch. His brother signs out a quick _hello_ and Lutz flops on the floor next to where he's working.

"Could you, help me tomorrow?" He asks quietly. Not making fun of him, like he never does like Lutz for some reason expects him too, Klaus agrees with a smile. Lutz doesn't delve further into his plan, just accepts the gentle pats on his head like a child from his older brother and tries to not talk himself out of his plan until the next morning.

In the end he stomps back to the living space and can't keep his mouth shut on how much he might actually like Ludwig and how it's confusing. Klaus encourages him with a knowing smile and manages to push him to bed with a better plan that he's sure will work because Gilbert tells him it will.


	2. Ludwig

There's a soft peeping in his ear that wakes Ludwig up. He sits up as soon as he can to take a deep breath and look at the clock blaring out numbers in a bright red font. Early enough for him, just on time like he asked Gilbird to do so last night. Slightly embarrassing when Gilbert makes fun of him for it but even his brother would admit waking up to the small little bird's noises are much more pleasant than any alarm could ever hope to be.

He rolls his shoulders slowly to help wake up and nods his head to Gilbird in thanks. The puff peeps again and flaps out of the room to go bother Gilbert instead. With only a sight sluggishness Ludwig is up and in an old black tee shirt and some plain work out shorts. There's a water bottle on the counter already filled with ice waiting for him along with a towel. The corner of Ludwig's mouth twitch up for a second, taking a quick glance over at the door to Gilbert's room. There's some music barely able to be heard from the other side. He sighs then instead wondering if the other got any sleep last night.

He's willing to put his money on none.

He flips the towel over his shoulder, making sure he has his door key before leaving. He pauses dramatically when he opens the door to see Lutz leaning back against the wall on the opposite side. They both stare at each other and an awkward silence stretches on. Lutz is the first to break, grimacing as he looks to the ground.

"Do you uh.." He trails off and rubs the back of his head. Ludwig closes the door behind them to but them both in the hall, waiting patiently for Lutz to find his words.

"Want like, a work out buddy?" He finishes still with a cringe but it changes to a semi-smile that makes Ludwig's eyes widen just a bit. He nods wordlessly before turning his head and coughing into his hand to clear his throat.

"That sounds nice," He chokes out. Lutz lets out a breath hat sounds like relief though Ludwig isn't sure what for. He would never reject an offer from Lutz. There's another few awkward moments as neither of them move towards the gym. Eventually Ludwig does start walking that way, taking careful looks over at Lutz to make sure he's not imagining things. He didn't think his counterpart woke up this early ever. Let alone to do work. It makes Ludwig think there's something wrong.

Maybe it's who he is, but he doesn't like when things are wrong without a possible solution on how to make things right. There's been something odd about Lutz for a while, it didn't always be that way and Ludwig can't help but feel he's responsible in a way. He wants to help solve whatever issue there is between them.

It's a wall, a block that Ludwig doesn't understand why Lutz had put it up. It worries him. They never had a hard interaction with each other yet it stands tall. As his counterpart, Ludwig has a natural reaction, a call, to help Lutz. It's hard to do when he won't be let in. He takes another glance at the other, wondering if maybe this can be a time where they can get past whatever awkwardness has set them astray.

The whole fiasco about meeting their counterparts still bugs him how easily it came about but there is nothing for Ludwig to do about it now. Meeting another version of himself had been weird, and nothing like it is now. Lutz had been crass and joking about with him. That cut off nicely and neatly not so long ago. Really, Ludwig misses it.

He takes care of a lot of people, but Lutz could handle himself, made Ludwig feel like he could have a fun time once or twice instead of the stick in the mud some would call him. He didn't envy his counterpart but he did admire Lutz to an extent. Capable to handle himself and a different way of looking at things. It got confusing after Lutz cut him off. They still sat by each other but Lutz seemed to not enjoy it. It stung on its own since he did enjoy Ludwig before.

Him wanting to be around is shocking in a way. Ludwig knows he's not the easiest to be around, more business than much else, but it's how he is. He wants to go back to that time when Lutz wanted to be around him without seeming forced.

"Why did you decide to come with me?" Ludwig finds himself asking once they enter the gym area, bare and empty save for themselves. Lutz scoffs like he's thinking of a joke but then scowls and rubs at his face.

"Just, thought you'd like some company," He says then scrunches up his face like it's not exactly what he meant to say. Ludwig doesn't pry, not wanting to make Lutz upset any more. It's simple and uncommunicative, Ludwig takes a machine and Lutz stands nearby to spot and make sure Ludwig isn't straining himself. Then they switch. The corners of Ludwig's mouth twitch up a little at how much Lutz can lift, keeping up with his weight and pace nicely. He doesn't get that much with anyone else.

"Are you okay?" Ludwig asks once they are running quietly on the treadmills. He turns down his pace to be able to talk properly. Lutz glances at him and does the same to be respectful.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" Lutz snaps at him then winces to himself. Ludwig doesn't get angry at him, giving him the benefit of not meaning to be harsh.

"I feel like it's odd between us," He clarifies. There is concern written all over his face he can tell. Lutz pauses, letting himself be pushed off the treadmil. His feet hit the floor and Lutz is tearing at his hair before throwing his hands up and groaning in annoyance. He begins to walk away leaving Ludwig to not even debate about chasing after him. He puts his hand on Lutz's shoulder to get his attention and this time Lutz flinches out of his touch.

"How did you get so perfect?!" He nearly screams. Ludwig coils back to stare at him dumbly. Lutz continues his frustrated noises while he walks back to the treadmills but doesn't get on, instead pacing around the machine entirely. Ludwig follows to sit on a nearby machine to be a stable and unmoving constant for Lutz's emotions.

"I just get so frustrated because.." Lutz stops himself, staring at Ludwig with a beaten expression that doesn't come from just any kind of emotional turmoil. Ludwig isn't sure what to do when his counterpart rubs the back of his head without finishing his phrase. Ludwig wants him to continue but a twist in his gut tells him not to. Lutz is not okay and prying will not help.

"I care about you," Ludwig says then. Lutz freezes and stares at him like a deer in the headlights. Suddenly uncomfortable, Ludwig rubs the back of his neck as well, hoping the heat in his face is just the work out setting in.

"I know that sounds bad, but if you're in a tough situation, I want to help," He continues on. When Lutz doesn't respond another awkwardness sets in.

"Why do you make things so confusing?" Lutz asks him covering his face. Ludwig doesn't have an answer to that. He fumbles for words, wondering if he should apologize, when Lutz laughs. It's soft and low and it makes Ludwig feel better, that heat in his face spreading to his chest. It's been too long since he heard Lutz laugh at something he's said. He forgot how nice it felt.

"I don't meant too," He says but Lutz is still going. When he calms down Ludwig has a small smile on his face too. A smile that breaks to frazzled as Lutz pulls him in for a weird hug. It's uncomfortable at their angle and Lutz is holding on hard.

"Listen hot cakes," He starts and Ludwig knows for sure the heat in his face is not from the work out. The last time someone so blatantly called him a pet name had been long ago and done by Lutz himself. It makes his mind muddled.

"I've been wrestling with the feels for a damn long time and it's time I came clean about them," He continues and it sounds so normal, the way Ludwig remembers him sounding when they first met. Easy tones with a flirtation hiding under ever word. He twitches in the hug but doesn't want to get out of it..

"I got a crush on you beef cake," Lutz lightly pushes him away, rubbing at his face at the confession. There's a crooked smile on his face and it floors Ludwig. It's his turn to freeze up, staring blindly. He's only brought out of his shock by his own stumbling for words. In the end he pulls himself up tall and glares to the side, a air of trying to make himself seem not as flustered.

Lutz sees through that act and laughs at him, nudging him playfully. They get back on the treadmill, a different kind of atmosphere about them. Especially when Lutz hits the 'up' button on Ludwig's machine to make him run faster than intended. It's a game then, seeing who can do the most with teases coming endlessly from Lutz who is smiling more and more that Ludwig breaks his own records just to keep seeing. There's soft encouragements from himself that seem to put fire in Lutz. It's nice and something that Ludwig found himself missing.

He's had connections with others before. For starters he had Kiku and Feliciano. Friends who supported him and once upon a time Feliciano had been his partner. It didn't work out, Ludwig not able to supply the kind of open affection Feliciano really wanted. They managed to be okay in the end. The way he feels with Lutz is close to that.

His bother as well has always there for him, helping him talk out his misunderstood feelings for Lutz way back then, which he adamantly refused had been more just concern versus romantic affection. A conversation should they ever go back to, Ludwig might have to admit his brother may have been right. Feelings that catch him off guard in simple ways. Something easy in a way that makes mundane work outs seem like fun. Ludwig is smiling into his water bottle as Lutz snickers at his own jokes on their walk back to their rooms, both of them with towels around their necks to clean up excess sweat.

"Thank you," Ludwig says before opening his own door. Lutz shrugs semi-awkwardly, waving off the words.

"See you at the meeting," Lutz opens his door with a wink and closes it before anything else can be said. Ludwig smiles to himself then steps inside his room where Gilbert promptly gets in his face.

"How'd your date go?" He asks loudly. Ludwig blinks at him and narrows his eyes at his brother. Gilbert laughs before he can respond, holding up his phone proudly.

"Klaus told me. So! Did you tell him you liked him?" Gilbert pesters him. Ludwig sighs with a hand over his face.

"I did not confess, there is nothing.." He tries to add an ending but the lie doesn't get past his lips. Gilbert understands and a mischievous smile breaks across his face. Ludwig escapes to the shower so he can't be asked any other questions with his brother booing at him.

He's relieved honestly to see Lutz sitting at their normal table, his legs kicked up on the wood and his hands behind his head like the picture of careless. Ludwig takes his own seat casually, pulling out papers to organize on his side of the desk for maximum efficiency. Gilbert did try to pester him but gave up, only to come tackle him happily with the information he heard form Klaus that the 'date went well'. He refuses to believe he flushed up at the fact. He's startled when Lutz sits up and close in his personal space.

"You try too hard," His counterpart says sassily with an arm over his shoulder. Ludwig tries to glare at him but the expression is lost on the smirk Lutz is now sporting. So he sighs and continues with his stacks. Lutz laughs shortly and goes back to lounging.

Not knowing for sure why, Ludwig takes a glance at him, then back to his papers. There's a smile on his face now too. For so long he's known something had to be bothering Lutz, thoughts he couldn't say properly. Now they are out in the open and the interactions between them are so much better. Ludwig can't count how long he's been dreaming of a day Lutz would want to talk to him again. He got a confession more than he thought he would receive, but he's sure he can handle it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!


End file.
